Understanding self-harm can feel overwhelming, but it’s an important conversation to have. In this 4 part series, we aim to shed light on the complexities surrounding self-harm, debunk common myths, and provide insight into why people turn to this coping mechanism. Through compassion and knowledge, we can begin to better support those who are struggling. Join us as we explore this critical topic in depth, starting with understanding the “why” behind self-harm.

“In case you didn’t know, dead people don’t bleed. If you can bleed—see it, feel it—then you know you’re alive. It’s irrefutable, undeniable proof. Sometimes I just need a little reminder.”
— Amy Efaw, After

Self-harm is a term we hear more often these days, particularly in discussions about young people. Yet, despite its increased visibility, it remains a widely misunderstood and stigmatized behavior. For many, self-harm elicits confusion, concern, and often judgment. To better understand this complex topic, let’s begin by dispelling some of the myths surrounding it.

Myths About Self-Harm

1. Only “Emos” Self-Harm; It’s Part of Modern Youth Culture
This stereotype is not only inaccurate but also harmful. Self-harm has no typical profile. It can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, background, or subculture. While it may be more visible among some groups, it’s essential to recognize that self-harm is a deeply personal response to emotional pain, not a cultural trend.

2. It’s Just a Phase—They’ll Get Over It
While some individuals may self-harm once or for a short period due to a specific situation, for others, it can become a habitual coping mechanism. Dismissing it as a “phase” minimizes the underlying issues and the severity of what they’re experiencing.

3. They’re Just Doing It for Attention
This myth is especially damaging. Most people who self-harm go to great lengths to hide their scars or injuries due to feelings of shame or fear of judgment. While some might express a desire for help, self-harm is rarely an attention-seeking act. It’s often a way to cope with intense emotions that feel unmanageable.

4. People Who Self-Harm Want to Take Their Own Lives
Self-harm and suicidal intent are not the same. For some, self-harm is a way to stay alive by finding temporary relief from emotional pain. While there can be a connection between self-harm and suicidal ideation in some cases, it’s crucial not to conflate the two.

5. Children Who Self-Harm Must Have Been Abused
While abuse and trauma can be factors, they are not the sole reasons people self-harm. It’s often a way to release tension, stress, or pressure. For individuals who struggle with regulating extreme emotions, self-harm may feel like the only way to manage their pain.

What Is Self-Harm?

In its simplest terms, self-harm is when someone deliberately hurts themselves as a way of coping with overwhelming feelings, painful memories, or distressing situations. While it may seem like a strange or even alarming behavior to an outsider, for those who self-harm, it can provide a momentary sense of relief or control.

For individuals who experience emotions intensely, self-harm may feel like the only way to manage their inner turmoil in the moment. This does not mean it’s a healthy or sustainable coping mechanism—but it highlights the depth of their struggle.

A Call for Understanding

Self-harm is not about seeking attention or fitting into a stereotype. It’s about survival in the face of emotional pain that feels unbearable. By breaking down the myths and understanding the reality, we can approach those who self-harm with compassion rather than judgment. In future posts, we’ll explore how to support someone who self-harms and the steps toward recovery.

If you or someone you know is struggling with self-harm, reaching out to a trusted professional or support network is a vital first step toward healing.